Eating Dis-Order

This photo was taken July 2020, where I was SUPER small as I was overcoming narcissistic and co-dependent abuse plus, abortion/the rebirth of my daughter’s Soul. This photo was actually taken by a guy I was on a date with. I saw him yesterday and I feel like I could feel his thoughts, of woah, Colleen gained weight, which is correct, I did gain weight from this photo, and I look healthier and fit now.

Now whether he really thought this, or I made this thought up in my mind and placed blame on him, we’ll never really know the answer. Yet as we are all just mirror reflections of each other the thought came through to make me aware of my innermost thoughts in my brain.

However, body image is a sensitive subject for many of us who are Lightworkers or who have overcome trauma.

I know there was a time in my life I thought in order to be a “healer,” a social media leader, or even just a public figure I thought that I had to be fully HEALED or WELL.

 For those of you in the Big Booty Boss Academy with me by Kristen Martell know that I was scared to join because I thought I was too skinny.

It’s an illusion to think that you will be fully well 100% of the time.
Life happens where we will not always feel great or amazing.
However, this must not stop us from showing up and doing part of our life’s work responsibilities.
And this is why it’s important to have practices and anchors in our life through various mentorships, meditations, communities, conversations with God, and friendships that allow us to return to our natural state of purity and wellness.

Many people throughout my life have commented on my lack of eating.

I think to this world’s standard I would be classified as part-time anorexic.
However, my loss in appetite has occurred since I was diagnosed with cancer, which would make sense as I didn’t want to feel seen because I didn’t feel heard, so cancer manifested in my throat.

Now the never-ending comments that come through from age 14 to age 27 regarding my lack of eating, have been intensifying and increasingly something I cannot avoid.

Especially when something traumatizing comes up in my life or I become anxious this seems to become my coping mechanism to punish myself and feel invisible because I don’t want to be seen.

However, I also feel since my awakening of cancer as a Lightworker we just don’t eat as much, as regularly or the same types of foods as regular humans.

This sometimes has caused confusion for me because others are constantly commenting on my lack of eating and at the same time, I’m just not hungry.

So, what do you do?

One I think for all the driven Lightworking men and women reading this just know you are okay, inherently there is nothing wrong with you.

Two, what would be considered as a mental dis-order or just dis-order to this world does not always ring true for the Lightworker world. We do as Lightworkers function on a different operating system, (I go over this in my third book An Uncompromised Life) sometimes food is not the solution, and sometimes it is the solution.

Three there is nothing wrong with women who LOVE cooking and eating, and there is nothing wrong with women like myself who just don’t love cooking – it doesn’t make you more or less attractive to a man – being your authentic truth makes you attractive to another human.

Four don’t be ashamed or feel guilty when people make comments to you about your lack of eating is a problem – understand you have your habits for a reason as it’s gotten you this far in life – and maybe there is a new habit or practice yet to be formed to guide you to bloom into the type of flower you are evolving into – or maybe this habit/pattern is serving you – only you will know that as truth in your body

Five, know the difference when someone is sharing concern in a kind, gentle way around this topic vs spotting and picking apart flaws in you because it’s a way for people to avoid their pain and live the core wounds they are avoiding through you.

Lastly, repeat to yourself, “I am okay, my body is beautiful, I am safe, it is okay to feel seen.”

Trust that wherever you are in life reading this right now you’re okay, you are loved, you are safe, and you are doing an amazing job. We all have demons we are fighting that no one knows about, sometimes including our own selves we don’t know the inner demons we are fighting in our mind.

Know that your perceived eating “dis”order may actually be God’s gift to you, so you share with others you don’t eat much, and you begin to create connections where maybe your friends cook, yet you figure out the restaurant, your friends cook yet you serve through the conversation and connection.  Understand we all have our strengths, and we all have things we are working on, and just in our space of honesty of where we are at, others can show up to meet us halfway so together we rise, instead of solely shutting down and feeling ashamed of who we are.

Because the true intention of God is connection, to be connected to Source, and to connect with others in our Truth and Divinity, and sometimes that means being open, honest, and transparent about where we are at in life.

 And for those of you who have concerns, it’s okay to have concerns about this for people you love, yet share it with kindness, love, and come up with a plan together, instead of forcing this person to think there is a problem with themselves, when that may not be the case. They may in fact be a Lightworker and just don’t need to eat as much as the normal human. However, opening conversations like this for dialogue to occur is where the healing happens for all of us to become aware of our differences and unify what each of our Truths are.

These are the exact kind of conversations we have in the Expanded Liberation Society, and a safe community where we openly talk about these life events, to create a dialogue together on how to create practices and provide accountability for each other in these spaces.

Turn your life into the greatest love affair,
Colleen Gallagher